My Journey

Well, here’s a little story about how I got from being a semi-agnostic to a Christian.

I guess my first experience with anything Christian came from my mum’s colleague, who actually re-converted her to Catholicism. To me, she talked about the Baptism and how it would take away any sins I had committed, and also about the importance of the Eucharist as being truly the Body and Blood of Christ. Of course, I didn’t really deeply comprehend any of that at the time, but it remained a catalyst for my later conversion.

Besides that, around about the same time, I found in the bookshelf a book about the Marian apparitions at Fatima, which made me realise how real and serious all this was. I recall also seeing a documentary earlier about the same apparition, where the seers (3 children) were shown the vision of hell. The seers were all recorded on film during their vision, and it was pretty scary seeing the faces of the seers and hearing about the dire warnings from the Virgin Mary about the consequences of the world failing to turn away from sin.

Now, I’ve always had a strong conviction regarding justice. In my primary school, we were shown a couple of films about discrimination; one about disabled people, and one about the treatment of Korean prisoners during the War. Also in my final year we, the final year students, travelled to Hiroshima. We heard from the survivor of the atomic bomb, and visited the museum which brought home to us the true horror of what human beings are capable of doing to one another. So, I knew that “sin” existed. Vaguely. This was made much much less vague upon being shown the kind of horrible acts committed by the Japanese soldiers during their invasion of China and other countries. These are unmentionable here, but I hold that they were worse than the Nazis because of the kind of utterly beastly things that went on (the Nazis were fairly sterile in comparison). So, it was obvious to me that there’s such thing as right and wrong, which wasn’t a man-made concept.

Anyway, back to me. In University, a friend of mine introduced me to a bit of philosophy. Ever since then, I’d been obsessed about finding this thing called “truth” that philosophers keep talking about, because I didn’t want to live a life following something else.

Actually, there are three things that’s driven this in my life:
1. Marriage: Having come from a broken family where I’ve never seen my father, I wanted my marriage (if I was to get married) to be a lasting and stable one, which meant that I’d have to shape my character before I was “worthy” of being involved in such a relationship. This, I’d perceived, had to do with conforming myself more and more to the truth about right and wrong, and perfecting my character.
2. Mid-life crisis: I didn’t want to live half a life, then say to myself, “what’s all that been for? Surely, there’s got to be more to life than this”. Otherwise, I’d be wasting a whole lot of time. And I don’t like wasting time. 😛
3. Deathbed: I didn’t want to live my entire life, then say to myself, “Oh, I shouldn’t have done this and that, etc. etc. etc.”. I wanted to be able to look back, without regrets, and see that I’ve tried to stick to the priorities that truly mattered.

So it was at University that I’d come to the truth of the Catholic faith, which to me was so perfect. Love was her summum bonum (highest good), while she embraced justice without compromise. The most beautiful expression of love to me was mercy, which could only be understood when one realised the gravity and seriousness of sin. It was during this period that I’d decided to get Baptised in order to receive this mercy; by this time, I knew that I was not exempt from committing sin and that I needed Divine forgiveness, or face a just consequence in eternity outside this space-time. Besides, I figured, atheism is a terrible gamble. As the scriptures put it so eloquently, “what does it profit a man, to gain the whole world and lose his soul?” (Mark 8:36). Present life is so insignificant and minuscule compared to Eternity that, if it does indeed exist, it would be the single most stupidest thing I could do not to act on that knowledge (It turns out that Blaise Pascal (yup, the mathematician/physicist) had come to the same conclusion centuries ago).

So, it’s been almost 3 years since my Baptism (Easter 2003). Being a Christian and Catholic has totally changed my life; and I can say this with no exaggeration what-so-ever. The way I see the world has changed; everything seems so beautiful, as they should, because I realise now that they were created out of love, and for us. I now see that every single individual is unique and have a worth beyond my capability to imagine, because they are all made in God’s image – and therefore the seriousness of sin committed against them. I no longer have the need to resort to showing off or inflate myself (OK, I do sometimes, but then I realise it’s stupid it is) because my self-worth does not depend on these things, but in the fact that I was created out of love in the image of God, redeemed with a great sacrifice, to fulfill certain divine purposes. Life is no longer meaningless, and suffering is redemptive because we can participate in the work of redemption; thus, even in suffering (and in my imperfections and sinfulness), I can trust and hope that “in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

So, that’s the brief record of my journey. I hope it’s been helpful for someone out there, and most of all I pray that it may direct your gaze toward eternity (take no risks!), and make you realise in your heart the need for Divine mercy.

God bless!
TTM

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15 thoughts on “My Journey”

  1. I’ve finally got onto your website!
    Good going, it’s quite remarkable. I’ll read more later!
    I am sending you some article scans.

    😉

  2. Hi TTM:
    I’m working on an independent project that involves the cardinal virutes. I discovered your online pdf of the same and find it very useful. I’d like to include this diagram with my content and I’m informing you now of this desire. So far, this is strictly for private use. If that circumstance changes, I’d let you know. However, I need your name (and company or affiliation) to credit the diagram, which I plan to adapt and embellish.

    Could you please provide your name and a direct e-mail or other contact information? Can I assume that a private adaptation of your diagram is acceptable?

    Please advise ASAP.

    Thanks in advance,
    Charol

    1. Coming from an “Abortionist”, I’d take that as a compliment. I’m proud to stand for everything that holds life sacred, and for everything that is true, good and truly beautiful. Deo gratias!

  3. Good because it is the only positive thing you will get out of me. Grow up and realise that there is no god and your beliefs are rubbish. Leave women alone.

    1. “My” beliefs are shared by over a billion people worldwide (more than 1/6 of the world population). The very calendar in which you operate is split by the founder of “my” beliefs (it’s year 2010 A.D. – Anno Domini, Year of Our Lord).

      Trace back your history, and you’ll see that the Western Civilization owes a debt to “my” beliefs – in actual fact, it isn’t solely “my” beliefs at all; you are immersed in the reality of it. Heck, your own ancestors were most probably Catholics – it’s in your family.

      The Catholic Church is the oldest surviving institution in the western world, outlasting entire empires. With God’s grace, we started hospitals and established orphanages. We are the largest charitable organization on the planet. We developed the scientific method, and laws of evidence. Cities are named after our revered Saints – look up your geographic location, and you’re bound to find such names in your area.

      Do you not know Abortion hurts women, with increased chance of breast cancer, depression and self-harm/suicide, and, for future pregnancies, increased chances of infertility, miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy? Do you not know that abortion kills a baby? Do you have hard facts to back up your assertions?

      Turn back from a life of perdition, mister. Come back home.

    1. Probably under its own domain name, and on a self-hosted server. I might turn it into a group blog. I’m not sure about the timeframe or the exact details yet, sorry.

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